Bill Simmons | Now I can Die In Peace ***A Running Diary***
[Note: I'm reviewing Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy's new book as a running diary. This could take months.]
[Part One]
[Part Two]

Page 54-98

I've seen man crushes and then I've seen Man Crushes. But the Sports Guy love affair with Pedro is amazing. Its tempered only by his hatred for Roger Clemens. And was this love affair with Pedro just a way to get back at the Rocket because he scorned him? And so when the next girl comes along and she's throwing 95 mph heaters, you are infatuated with her in the same way? And you might think you love her, but what happens when she starts collapsing in critical situations and brings around a lucky midget to dates? Eventually, leaving you for the brother of your worst enemy? What then?

Now I'm not above Man Crushes myself. At one point during this season, I said to my buddies, "I love Chase Utley. I love the way he plays. If I ran into him in a bar, I'd tell him... 'I want to F**k You, you are such a good ballplayer, that I want to f**k you.'" My buddies stopped talking to me after that one.

A couple of Joe Kerrigan mentions. He got a lot of play here locally, one, because he's a Philly guy, but also because he was the pitching coach during Pedro's run. Would have liked to hear more though. Although, he did mention that everyone on that coaching staff doesn't have jobs this season. We all know why that is.

Page 89-90 -- blank pages? No... just place holders for more footnotes!

Page 95 -- Footnotes for a footnote? Well, I can't say I'm surprised by this, because I really am enjoying the footnotes. It's kind of like listening to the directors cut. (I have no idea how they would do an audiobook version of this.) But I suggest having Mike Myers reading the text and Kanye West doing the Footnotes. "The Boston Red Sox don't care about black people."

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Page 17-54

Page 34 -- After just reading the footnote about Bosley and Jacklyn Smith, something I don't really remember, my iTunes shuffled to Boston's "Rock-N-Roll Band", which of course starts "Well, we were just another band out of Boston". Irony? Anyway, it's bad enough when you bounce from Stereophonics to Boston, but its just as jarring when you have been immersed by 34 pages of non-stop talk about the Boston Red Sox.

Now speaking of that first line. I have this rule that no band should ever name a song after their band name and no band should reference their band name with lines from their song. Exceptions to the rule include Rappers and bands who toured with one hit and the only way you could reference them is by the name of the song.

"They are the guys who sing 'In a Big Country'"
"Who?"
"You know 'In a Big Country, dreams come true...'"
"um... 'stay with you', not 'dreams come true'."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Well that band."
"Oh, you mean Big Country?"
"Is that the name of the band?"
"I don't know,do you know any other song by them?"
"No."
"Me either."
"Well, I like them way better than "Come On Eileen"."

Page 40 -- "You could even see a little gobbler." So far that line gets the award for best line in the book that could never be written on his column. But guess what, I have no such restrictions. Anyway, I'm noticing that I could just sit here and read footnotes all day and not the rest of the book. This could be a whole new fad!

Page 48 -- Look, I love wrestling as much as the next guy, but he just made a reference to the Acolytes. The ACOLYTES! The Acolytes were Ron Simmons (Farooq) and Bradshaw (JBL), this gimmick hitched themselves to the Undertaker, but didn't last long as they became the Acolytes Protection Agency or APA, which was a much popular gimmick. And well... oh... yeah... I'm pathetic. More tomorrow...

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First 17 pages

It's probably impossible to write a running diary while reading a book, but I'm going to try. Barnes and Noble just delivered the 3rd Edition of the Phillies Encyclopedia. The Second Edition, which was purchased by my girlfriend in college just after we broke up for my birthday, with this great quote, "This isn't all you would have got if we didn't break up." The card was even better, "Despite everything, you will always have a place in my heart." Yeah... um, thanks.

In the box was the pre-order of Bill Simmons the Sports Guy's "Now I can Die in Peace". It is a love story about a kid from Boston and his beloved Red Sox. I guess, I'm only 17 pages in. It is also a comblination of many of his Red Sox columns. I'm hoping I won't have to read anything about the Patriots in there. Also, Simmons mentioned that there were a ton of footnotes in the book. And boy is he right. There are at least 4 footnotes every 2 pages. You would think he was getting college credit for this thing. I just don't know why he didn't choose the MLA standard.

But in this world of hyperlinking, somehow this works, even if you have to turn a page to finish reading the footnote. That won't get annoying at all.

A few quick thoughts on first skim... Simmons mom has great legs. Jimmy Kimmel is usually funny. Not so much on his blurb on the back of the book. Simmons you should have had Carolla say something. It probably would have been mean, but I would have enjoyed it better.

So far, in the first 17 pages, Simmons has interlaced his early Red Sox upbringing with his Sox history. It is amazing how much detail he "remembers" from games at such an early age. I haven't figured out if that is enhanced by ESPN Classic, from his father's stories, books that he read or his actual memories. But sometimes you can remember things by just general feelings. The Phillies won the World Series in 1980 when I was just 7 years old. I remember so much and so little from that World Series. Someday... I'll write that book.

Now back to the reading... I hope you have the next 6 months free...

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